There's so little common wisdom about menopause and peri-menopause given the number of people who go through it. There's also a lack of research. This needs to be much better understood.
Do the memory issues affect novel writing? I found that it took a lot of working memory to keep the world and situation alive in my brain with enough detail and vividness to be able to weave it forward in a way that came from and respected what I'd already done.
The paucity of research into menopausal transition is a gigantic problem. Given how widely individual experiences vary, anecdotal reports are of limited use unless available in extensive quantity. (This is what has happened with autism, just in the last decade -- finally enough different people have written about their experience that the sum begins to encompass the actual reality, overwriting the myths and stereotypes, at least for those of us actively looking for something deeper.)
But I don't know what to do to spur more research in that area except talk about it more, and encourage others to do the same.
I feel pretty sure working memory issues affected my ability to novelize, although it can be hard to tease out exactly which difficulties were due to the hormonal shifts and which to ADHD. On the other side of menopause and with ADHD meds, I am having a great deal more success with it.
Wonderful, as ALWAYS. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have stumbled across Pool some 20-odd years ago and was welcomed into a truly inclusive community where people spoke with care and respect to each other. Even though I was far more right-leaning then (but strongly moderately right), but no one ever shamed me or talked down to me. (For your memory's sake, I believe my screenname back then was KatGirlEsq.) I'd like to think that some of those folks, yourself included, helped gently nudge me significantly more to the left. <3
And yes, please, please talk about menopause. I'm perimenopausal and it isn't something women usually talk about. I've ventured boldly into many conversations with my girlfriends and found that they were always willing and ready to talk about it when asked.
As for your memory, while I can sympathize with losing a sense a who you used to be, I am sure I speak for everyone when we say we love the person you have become and will continue to enjoy our journey with you.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this, I can't imagine how it would feel if it were happening to me. As a refugee constantly "far far away from home," whatever that even means anymore, I've always pictured myself as basically a bundle of memories hurtling forward through time, rich and fantastic interiority but much more fragile exterior relations, if that makes sense. I don't know how I would cope. I'm glad that there's been some reprieve and that you at least recognize the outlines of what's happened. But wow.
Perimenopause is such a weird and awful time, and no one warns you about any of it. I had a medical crisis around this time last year that sent me to a gynecologist who sat me down and explained (with charts and visual aides) the weird chess game between all the different hormones and what their effects are, and what happens when one of them starts to wobble, and then another. I ended up in emergency surgery, which fixed the immediate issue, but then said doctor retired so I've been just waiting and hoping to finish passing through this boundary condition before it happens again. Sorry, TMI. Point is: nobody tells us shit, and it would have been nice to know before my whole world flipped upside down and I thought I was going to die. :/
You're a good egg, K, and I am so glad to know you're writing about yourself again, I'm just sorry it was prompted by awfulness :(
"a bundle of memories hurtling forward through time, rich and fantastic interiority but much more fragile exterior relations" ... makes perfect sense; it's very close to how I felt about myself -- even though the fragility was never by choice.
I am so envious of that presentation from your gynecologist, and sorry that you lost that resource. Also, not TMI -- in fact, have you considered writing about that experience more fully? I mean, if nobody tells us shit, we have to tell each other, right? There's Heavy Water just sitting there waiting for you ...
How has your sleep cycle been over the last 10 years or so? I just found an interesting link on Google, announcing a study with mice, where they found that administering a common Asthma medication (Roflumilast) apparently caused mice to recover the ability to perform learning tasks that had been lost after the scientists induced a sleep-deprived in them.
That's definitely interesting. Alas, that drug does not appear to have made its way into Latin America, or I'd look into it further.
My sleep has always been pretty terrible, one way or another. The up side is that now I'm off the day job treadmill, I can often make up some sleep with afternoon naps, so I'm less sleep-deprived overall than in my thirties. On the other hand, for the last several years I've had hot flashes to contend with on top of everything else. The full-on flashes have tapered off in the last year, but I still have body-temperature dysregulation that affects me mostly at night. Hypothalamic fail.
wow, how completely disorienting, that terror of being unmoored from your own history. I'm so sorry you're experiencing that.
on a personal 'here's-my-related-story' note, I had a hysterectomy in my late 30s and thus encountered menopause early and all at once. the mental affect is real, so real. unfortunately that's the same time period my ex-husband was doing a bunch of shit and covering it up - lots of deception, gaslighting, etc. I depend on my intelligence and the fact that I missed SO much for months and months has been so upsetting to me... placing it in the timeline of how much I was affected mentally by menopause is a helpful point of context, so thanks for that.
There's so little common wisdom about menopause and peri-menopause given the number of people who go through it. There's also a lack of research. This needs to be much better understood.
Do the memory issues affect novel writing? I found that it took a lot of working memory to keep the world and situation alive in my brain with enough detail and vividness to be able to weave it forward in a way that came from and respected what I'd already done.
Yes, and yes.
The paucity of research into menopausal transition is a gigantic problem. Given how widely individual experiences vary, anecdotal reports are of limited use unless available in extensive quantity. (This is what has happened with autism, just in the last decade -- finally enough different people have written about their experience that the sum begins to encompass the actual reality, overwriting the myths and stereotypes, at least for those of us actively looking for something deeper.)
But I don't know what to do to spur more research in that area except talk about it more, and encourage others to do the same.
I feel pretty sure working memory issues affected my ability to novelize, although it can be hard to tease out exactly which difficulties were due to the hormonal shifts and which to ADHD. On the other side of menopause and with ADHD meds, I am having a great deal more success with it.
Wonderful, as ALWAYS. I feel so incredibly fortunate to have stumbled across Pool some 20-odd years ago and was welcomed into a truly inclusive community where people spoke with care and respect to each other. Even though I was far more right-leaning then (but strongly moderately right), but no one ever shamed me or talked down to me. (For your memory's sake, I believe my screenname back then was KatGirlEsq.) I'd like to think that some of those folks, yourself included, helped gently nudge me significantly more to the left. <3
And yes, please, please talk about menopause. I'm perimenopausal and it isn't something women usually talk about. I've ventured boldly into many conversations with my girlfriends and found that they were always willing and ready to talk about it when asked.
As for your memory, while I can sympathize with losing a sense a who you used to be, I am sure I speak for everyone when we say we love the person you have become and will continue to enjoy our journey with you.
Thank you, Amanda! <3
Your description of Pool puts me in mind of this recent article in the Atlantic, about the surprisingly civilized culture of Wikipedia editors: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2023/01/wikipedia-gender-identity-pronouns-guidelines/672806/
(Fwiw, I remember that you were in Pool; I cannot, however, call up any specific interactions we had there. More rubbing than gravestone, I'm afraid.)
And good for you, bringing up the menopause conversations! Keep it up! :)
I'm sorry you're experiencing this, I can't imagine how it would feel if it were happening to me. As a refugee constantly "far far away from home," whatever that even means anymore, I've always pictured myself as basically a bundle of memories hurtling forward through time, rich and fantastic interiority but much more fragile exterior relations, if that makes sense. I don't know how I would cope. I'm glad that there's been some reprieve and that you at least recognize the outlines of what's happened. But wow.
Perimenopause is such a weird and awful time, and no one warns you about any of it. I had a medical crisis around this time last year that sent me to a gynecologist who sat me down and explained (with charts and visual aides) the weird chess game between all the different hormones and what their effects are, and what happens when one of them starts to wobble, and then another. I ended up in emergency surgery, which fixed the immediate issue, but then said doctor retired so I've been just waiting and hoping to finish passing through this boundary condition before it happens again. Sorry, TMI. Point is: nobody tells us shit, and it would have been nice to know before my whole world flipped upside down and I thought I was going to die. :/
You're a good egg, K, and I am so glad to know you're writing about yourself again, I'm just sorry it was prompted by awfulness :(
"a bundle of memories hurtling forward through time, rich and fantastic interiority but much more fragile exterior relations" ... makes perfect sense; it's very close to how I felt about myself -- even though the fragility was never by choice.
I am so envious of that presentation from your gynecologist, and sorry that you lost that resource. Also, not TMI -- in fact, have you considered writing about that experience more fully? I mean, if nobody tells us shit, we have to tell each other, right? There's Heavy Water just sitting there waiting for you ...
How has your sleep cycle been over the last 10 years or so? I just found an interesting link on Google, announcing a study with mice, where they found that administering a common Asthma medication (Roflumilast) apparently caused mice to recover the ability to perform learning tasks that had been lost after the scientists induced a sleep-deprived in them.
https://scitechdaily.com/recovering-hidden-knowledge-how-an-asthma-medication-could-restore-memories/
That's definitely interesting. Alas, that drug does not appear to have made its way into Latin America, or I'd look into it further.
My sleep has always been pretty terrible, one way or another. The up side is that now I'm off the day job treadmill, I can often make up some sleep with afternoon naps, so I'm less sleep-deprived overall than in my thirties. On the other hand, for the last several years I've had hot flashes to contend with on top of everything else. The full-on flashes have tapered off in the last year, but I still have body-temperature dysregulation that affects me mostly at night. Hypothalamic fail.
wow, how completely disorienting, that terror of being unmoored from your own history. I'm so sorry you're experiencing that.
on a personal 'here's-my-related-story' note, I had a hysterectomy in my late 30s and thus encountered menopause early and all at once. the mental affect is real, so real. unfortunately that's the same time period my ex-husband was doing a bunch of shit and covering it up - lots of deception, gaslighting, etc. I depend on my intelligence and the fact that I missed SO much for months and months has been so upsetting to me... placing it in the timeline of how much I was affected mentally by menopause is a helpful point of context, so thanks for that.
I'm so sorry you went through that, Annie. But I'm so glad that you have the context to be kinder to yourself about it now.